she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
