Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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