My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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