I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
