I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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