Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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