I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
