Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk is not a location!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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