Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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