I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
