I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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