Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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