Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize