I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
