thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
