Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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