so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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