how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
