Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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