i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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