You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
