Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
