I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think my vagina is haunted
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
