The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
