Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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