Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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