I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
