This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
