i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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