There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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