when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize