I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
