Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
im on a boat
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