Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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