we have pet lesbian snakes
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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