Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
