i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
