I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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