If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize