The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I need water and some morals
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
