nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
