We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
