God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
