We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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