woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
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Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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