Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
