I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
