Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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