And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Help me help you realize you are a moron
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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