took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
