I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Boobs are out for the taking
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
