i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
