the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
