My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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