the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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