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• (650): View more from California

  I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (917): View more from New York City

  just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW

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• (435): View more from Utah

  The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.

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