Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia

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(973): View more from New Jersey

who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?

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(802): View more from Vermont

Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.

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(815): View more from Illinois

walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(573): View more from Missouri

Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something

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(916): View more from California

My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking

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(217): View more from Illinois

I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.

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(906): View more from Michigan

Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.

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