Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.