I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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